Contents
=> “The Internet As Your Own Native Speaker”
=> “If I Were a Boy/Girl”– Text and Activities
=> About Anastasia Shiryaeva
=> Upcoming Events in Western Russia: Yekat, Rostov, Samara
=> Upcoming Events in Primorye: Vladivostok, Kavalerovo
=> In the Next Issues
=> Unsubscribe

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“The Internet As Your Own Native Speaker”
a short article on researching English usage
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As a native English speaker living in a foreign land, I get a lot of questions about word usage. “Is such and such correct?” “What’s better, this or that?” Six years ago, I relied on my native-speaker intuitions, my gut feelings.

But now I don’t.

It’s impossible for a native speaker to know ALL the Englishes — British, Australian, Jamaican, etc. There are regional differences within the same country, differences between generations, social class, and so on.

Let me provide an example. My splendid friend Anastasia Shiryaeva (to whose curiosity about English we owe this issue of “ETs in Russia”) wrote to me asking about the correctness of the following sentence:

“I would be glad if you do it for me.”

Normally, in such a structure, we would say, “I would be glad if you DID it for me.” At least, that’s what the native speaker inside me said. But “I would be so glad if you DO it for me,” didn’t sound awful. And then I wondered about “I would be glad if YOU’D DO that for me.” Did people use that?

So I went to an internet search engine. Google is my favorite because it’s so fast (not only because it was developed together by a Russian and an American.)

I then did searches using several variations. I used two separate Google search engines, for “web sites” and “groups.” The “groups” engine searches through millions of discussion groups, so we get a good sampling of informal usage.

Thus, in my results below, after each of the three sentences, you will see two numbers of “hits”– one from usages in web sites, and one from groups. “Hits” are the number of times the EXACT phrase was found. You’ll see that I also searched using contracted forms.

This comparison will give us an indication of how often these sentences are really being used in the world.

PHRASE
1.
I would be glad if you do
28 web site hits
14 group hits
I’d be glad if you do
11 web site hits
8 group hits
61 total hits

2.
I would be glad if you did
95 web site hits
35 group hits
I’d be glad if you do
64 web site hits
21 group hits
215 total hits

3.
I would be glad if you would
22 web site hits
0 group hits
I’d be glad if you’d
321 web site hits
165 group hits
488 total hits

The great surprise, of course, is that #3, which appears to be most INCORRECT, is used most often, though only with contracted forms.

Number 2 (”I would be glad if you did”), the “correct” version according to teachers and grammarians, is used less than half as often as #3, the double “would” version.

CONCLUSIONS
1. The notions of INCORRECT and CORRECT are dangerous for foreign language teachers. How can we tell our students a form is “incorrect” when it is being used, sometimes MORE than the “correct” form? I understand this is a dilemma for teachers, especially those who are required to give tests based on grammar rules. It is something teachers and administrators need to address.

2. The bright side is that you don’t need a native speaker anymore — not if you have access to the internet. If you do, you have access to billions of sentences of English. Just use a search engine (Google, Dogpile, Yahoo, Altavista, etc.), put quotations around the words, phrase, or structure you want to examine, and click “search.” You will see the number of “hits” for those terms. This is basic research, not fit for a dissertation, but it answers questions on language usage BETTER than if you asked a native speaker.

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“If I Were a Boy/Girl” — Text and Acitivity Suggestions
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Anastasia and I were writing emails to each other this summer. We started talking (actually, writing) about how people dress in California and in Vladivostok, the differences and similarities. Then Nastya wrote and asked, “If you were a girl, how would you dress?”

Here’s what I wrote:

“If I were a girl I would be a skirt-and-boot girl. I would wear skirts, a little but above the knees, and stockings, nylons. And I would wear boots, usually black, but occasionally white. I don’t know about heels. You don’t need high heels. Normal heels are fine. I would make my hair straight. I would never have very short hair.”

And here’s what Nastya wrote:

“So if I were a guy, I would be always happy. I would wear tight jeans, a shirt (and I wouldn’t fasten up all buttons or I would unbutton it any time I want) or a T-shirt (which I could take off also any time and fling it over my shoulder with a cool action). I would wear sneakers or … so I would never miss the bus. It would be good for me, because I am always late. About hair.. my haircut would be always very short and I wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time trying to arrange it. Therefore, I would sleep in the morning more than I do now when I am a girl. But the main thing is a possibility to take the first step! There are some situations when I want to take the first step, but I can’t because I’m a girl.

IDEAS FOR USING THESE TEXTS:

1. Writing
Have students write a similar paragraph explaining how they would dress if they were a person of the opposite sex.

note to teachers: This probably won’t work with young learns. Some groups might giggle over this assigment, and tough guys might just refuse, so teachers should evaluate the interest, maturity, and mood of their groups.

2. Unfinished Sentences
This is a speaking activity, because it supplies a structure, it is easy and fun for students, and they will have less resistance to the topic.

1. If I were a boy/girl I would wear…
2. If I were a boy/girl I would have…
3. If I were a boy/girl I would be…
4. If I were a boy/girl I would walk…
5. If I were a boy/girl I would avoid…
6. If I were a boy//girl I would eat…

3. Clothing Dictation List
For teachers who are working on the subject of clothing, try this:

A. Read both parargraphs out loud. Ask students to list all NOUNS they hear that are clothes, or things you wear. For example: skirt, boot, stocking, nylons, jeans, etc.

B. Read Nastya’s paragraph again. Ask students to list all VERBS pertaining to clothing and appearance. For example: wear, fasten up, unbutton, arrange.)

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About Anastasia Shiryaeva
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Anastasia is a 3rd-year English Student at Far Eastern National University. She always volunteers to work at FEELTA (Far Eastern English Language Teachers Association) events. She likes English, quite obviously. She would rather do the dishes for a month than dig potatoes at the dacha.

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Upcoming Events in Western Russia:
Yekaterinburg, Rostov, Samara
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Kevin will be giving workshops and presentations in the following places:

Yekaterinburg October 5-10
Institute for International Relations
(7-343) 379-3001, ext. 126
American Center

Chelyabinsk October 7

Rostov-Na-Donu October 14-17

Samara October 18-23

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Upcoming Events in Primorye: Vladivostok, Kavelerovo
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Kavalerovo November 1-2

In Vladivostok, Kevin will conduct these short 8-hour minicourses in association with FEELTA:

1. EFL Update for Secondary School Teachers (8 hours)
November 12-13, at DVGU

2. Developing Up-to-Date ESP Lessons (8 hours)
November 19-20, at DVGU

3. Nothing But Games (8 hours)
No date yet

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In the Next Issues
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“ETs in Russia” should be back on schedule in publications now. Our move from California to Russa, and from the old format to the new, has really confused the editorial staff and driven them to periods of despair, paralysis, and debauchery.

But you can expect…

#69 about October 11th:
Word Games. Some easy-to-use games for teachers and learners of English everywhere.

#70 about October 26th
A List of Language Learning Strategies
& Some Halloween Riddles/Jokes

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Copyright 2004 Kevin McCaughey & I.M. Poosheesty